In This Country

My son has had this funny thing going on with his eye for a while now (yes, that is, in fact, the technical term for it).  Anyway, we saw his regular doctor and he referred us to a specialist.  So his appointment date arrives and we’re at the office and we’ve done all the paperwork, we’ve talked to the nurse, and now we’re waiting for the doctor to see us. 

After a while (not too long of a wait I might add) in walks this, for lack of a better term, old man.  I mean, he looks pretty old, even to me, and once I hit 40 my definition of old became very generous.  My son and I look at each other like, “Oh, great, is this guy for real?”  I’m wondering if this guy can even see well enough to tell what’s going on with my son’s eye.  Oh well, don’t judge a book by its cover and all that jazz.

So the doctor walks in, he opens his mouth to start talking, and he’s a genuine, good old-fashioned Irish man, complete with a genuine, good old-fashioned Irish brogue and he’s hilarious.  He’s calling my son by his Irish name, he’s calling me mummy, and he’s a complete and total riot!  My son and I are now looking at each other like, “Oh, wow!  Is this guy for real?”  We’re both dying to laugh out loud but we figure it’s best to remain respectful since we don't really know the guy.  I’m absolutely positive that my face mirrors my son's: Eyes watering with a clenched smile that’s dying to escape.

The appointment goes well.  Turns out my son’s eye problem is pretty simple to solve so all is well.  Then the doctor turns to me, looks at me closely, and says, “Have you always had one pupil that’s bigger than the other?” 

Um, beg your pardon?

"Yes, your right pupil is larger than your left.  It’s not all that noticeable, but it’s there." 

Hmm, I said, interesting. No I did not know that.  Is it a sign of something serious?  (Another thing about being over 40 – you start to think cancer awaits you at every turn.) 

"No," he says, “Nothing serious.  It’s more of a cosmetic thing.” 

Whew, what a relief.  And as I walked away I thought, Hmm, I don't know what goes on in Ireland, but in this country men typically comment on the size of a woman’s boobs, not her pupils!