Tuesday, January 4, 2011

I’m Running off to Vegas to Become a Blackjack Dealer

I love my family, truly I do.  In fact, I will go so far as to say I adore them.  I have an amazing husband and two wonderful kids.  BUT…every now and then I have this fantasy of running off to Vegas and becoming a blackjack dealer.  The reality, unfortunately, is that I am over 40 and I have really small boobs, so I think it’s pretty safe to say that this fantasy will never come true, but hey, it’s my fantasy, right?  So in my mind I picture myself strolling in to work, dealing my cards, and strolling right back out again.  No fuss,  no muss, no one bugging me, no one asking me questions, no one demanding nothin’.  It’s just me and my cards.  The best part about this fantasy is that if anyone were to dare bother me, I’d have a pit boss named Guido who would swoop down swiftly and “take care of them” if you know what I mean.  Now, if my family is as great as I  just said they are, then why do I have this fantasy you ask?  Well, get a load of this story…

My family is the absolute worst about changing toilet paper rolls and paper towel rolls.  I am, literally, the only one is the house who does it.  Pitiful, I know, but true.  I have tried everything to make this an easier “chore” for them.  For example, there are always extra toilet paper rolls in the bathroom cupboards, and I go to the trouble of unwrapping the paper towels right when I buy them and place them easily accessible in our pantry.  Still, no one changes them but me. 

So last night, upon noticing that the paper towel roll was almost empty, I went to the pantry, opened the door, bent down, picked up a new roll, and placed it directly adjacent to the stand that houses the current, almost-out paper towel roll.  I mean, come on, how much easier can it be for someone to change the roll once it’s officially out?  A new one is right there!  Well, imagine my surprise when I come home from working in my classroom for a few hours and notice that the old roll is now empty (but still  in the stand); the new roll has clearly been used a couple of times; and it’s still next to the stand!  Not a single person could see fit to take the old roll, throw it away, and replace it with the new roll…all of which would have taken two seconds and could have been done in the same arm motion…the reason I know it could have been done in the same motion is that I tried it out myself!  Okay, fine, I now concede defeat and will officially give up any hope of help in this area and will gladly (oh, yes, gladly) change any and all empty paper rolls in this house!  So there!

Now that was within the first three minutes of entering the house…it gets better.  As I said, I have just come home from my classroom (it’s early Sunday afternoon).  I don’t see anyone hanging out downstairs so I venture upstairs to see what everyone is up to.  My daughter greets me with, “Mom, what are you making me for lunch?” and my son says, “Mom, are you going to do laundry today?  I am out of boxers.  See, I have to wear my cross country shorts” (he then proceeds to pull up his shorts’ leg to show me the yellow running shorts, like I really need to see them).  I look and my husband and say, “Can you believe this?”  He agrees it’s not the best greeting and says, “Come on guys, you can take care of those things yourselves.”  My son’s response…are you ready for this?  He says, “Well, then, what do we have a mother for?”  Ouch!  It’s an, ‘Oh my gosh, did he really just say that?’ moment.  It’s an ‘Oh my gosh, I’m so running away to Vegas to become a blackjack dealer’ moment!  And it’s for sure an ‘Oh my gosh, that kid better be glad Guido’s not around’ moment.


  1. Sounds like you were peaking into my life!

  2. Funny, my husband read this post and said, "I wondered why you had the paper towels like that...I wondered why you didn't just change the roll." Now how to explain that he just, like totally, made my point? Why didn't I change them indeed? I started to argue this fact, but then he said, "We just see things differently." And, really, who can argue with that? Thanks for the comment.