Picture Day 20-10

As I prepare to close out another school year, I can’t help but stop and reflect on all of the funny things that have happened this year in my First Grade classroom.  Many of the stories I have shared here with you, others I have kept to myself. 

One story that I had kind of forgotten about came up last week at, of all places, the beauty salon (thanks to the fab TT for her endless support).  This little ditty happened earlier in the year, and, quite frankly, I’m surprised I didn’t share it with you already (at least, I hope I didn’t share it with you already...and if I did, well, then, you have my sincerest apologies).

Anyway...it’s picture day 20-10 (you have to say it like that, 20-10, for full emphasis).  Oh, and what the heck, let’s capitalize it, too.  So, it’s Picture Day 20-10.  All week the kids have been sending in their picture money, and all week I have been keeping it in a safe place so that I can quickly and efficiently hand it back to them on the Big Day...Picture Day 20-10.

It’s first thing in the morning and we are gathered on the carpet.  The way picture day works is you are assigned a time, which is never right, and you sit and wait in your classroom for someone to come and get you, and then you hurry up to the picture-taking location, and then you wait some more, and then you hurry up and take your individual pictures, and then you wait some more, and then you hurry up and take your class picture, and then you are finally, mercifully, released to return to your classroom to try and get some work done.  (Now that I think about it, I’m sure the term “hurry up and wait” was, in fact, invented on picture day!)

Because I know our assigned time won’t be right, and because I know the instant the very sweet parent helper comes to get us we will have to am-scray immediately, I always try my best to have the kids ready to go first thing in the morning.  Primarily, this involves making sure that the children have their picture money with them at their desks so that it can be in their hands when we walk out the door.  Trying to pass out picture money during the rush of being called just doesn’t work (been there, done that, learned that lesson long ago).

So we’re on the carpet and I’m calling the students up one by one and handing them their envelopes with the instructions to, “Take your envelope back to your desk, place it on your desk, and return to the carpet.”  Easy, peasy...or so you’d think...

I’m down to the last two kids, which means 21 kids have successfully taken their money back to their desks, placed it on their desks, and returned to the carpet.  21 successes...and then I get to kid 22.  I hand him the envelope, call the next kid, and then breathe a huge sigh of relief that we got this done before we were called and that we can finally begin our day. 

Because I’m a pro (you say OCD, I say pro...whatever)...because I’m a pro, I quickly scan the desks to make sure each and every desk has an envelope on it.  Well, surprise, surprise, there’s one desk with no envelope.  Kid 22.   

So I ask him:  “Kid 22,” I say, “where’s your picture money?”

Kid 22 looks at me like I have just asked him where Timbuktu is.  He truly has no clue what I’m talking about.

Me again:  “Your picture money.  You know?  I just handed everyone their picture money, and everyone put it on their desk, and now I’m looking at your desk and there’s no envelope.  What did you do with it?”

Again, I am met with a blank stare.  I walk over to the closest desk, pick up an envelope, and say, “Kid 22, I handed you an envelope like this.  Just one minute ago.  You took it from me.  What did you do with it?”

Again, no clue.   

So I ask Kid 22 to check inside his desk.  He does, and it’s not there.  So I ask him to check his backpack.  He does, and it’s not there.  So I look at the ceiling for the hidden camera that is recording all of this and I wait for Ashton Kutcher to come through my door because, surely, I have been Punk’d. 

How can a kid watch 21 other kids do something, and then be given instructions to do the exact same thing, and then, a minute later, have no clue what’s going on?!

Asthon never does come through my door.  Thankfully, though, I have a parent helper (and a witness) in the classroom.  I ask her to check his desk.  She does, and it’s not there.  I ask her to check his backpack.  She does, and...IT’S THERE!  Hallelujah!

But wait, Kid 22 just checked his backpack and didn’t find it.  So not only did he put it in his backpack (after watching, or, well, not watching, 21 other kids put it on their desks), but he forgot that he put it in his backpack (one minute after putting it in his backpack), and then he checked his backpack and couldn’t find it.  Seriously?!

Now I think I know why I didn’t share this story with you earlier...one, it’s exhausting, and two, it’s taken this long to fully recover from it!

You Better Watch…That Mouth…Parents, I’m Talking to You!

We were practicing our Father’s Day song today in preparation for our annual Donuts with Dads event.  Can I just say that at no time during this entire year have we not been practicing a song for something!  If my kids learn nothing else this year, I at least know that they will leave me having learned more songs than they will ever know what to do with in their whole entire lives.

So we’re practicing our song and there’s a part that goes:

…I walk the way he walks, dear old dad

I talk the way he talks, dear old dad…

The song comes to an end and a hand goes up from a little girl in the front.

“Mrs. J., um, the part about I talk the way he talks, well, that’s not really appropriate for me because, um, well, my dad says a lot of swear words.”

I kind of chuckle and say, “Uh oh, whoopsy daisy” which is pretty much my standard response to pretty much anything I hear about my students’ parents that I probably shouldn’t.

Her dad, a great guy by the way, is in law enforcement, so I don’t doubt for a single minute that she hears her share of inappropriate words from time to time (or, um, maybe every day for all I know). 

Now I know what you’re thinking…Just because he’s in law enforcement doesn’t necessarily mean that she’s exposed to things that, well, maybe she shouldn’t be.  And yes, that’s true, except…

I’ll never forget one day earlier in the year when it was time to go home and she told me she was going to the on-campus, after-school daycare program.  She goes a couple of times a week and she’s always very confident (and right) about the days she goes so I don’t question her.  She says she going to daycare…so off to daycare she goes…it’s directly across from my room so it’s no biggie for her, or any of the students for that matter, to just march themselves right over there.

I head on up to the front of the school with the rest of my brood and her dad is there happily waiting for her.  “Aw shucks” I say.  (Oh yes, whoopsy daisy and aw shucks…I am one tough momma, let me tell you!)  Anyway, I tell him that she very confidently marched herself to daycare. 

He looks at me, shakes his head, and says, “That girl is on crack…I told her I was picking her up today!”  He lets out a big sigh, breezes past me, and goes to retrieve his six year old daughter!  I cringe and wait for one of the kids to say, “Mrs. J., what’s crack?”  Luckily, the front of the school is such mayhem at the end of the day that no one (well, no one but me, anyway) seems to have heard what he said….thank goodness!

So there you have it…be careful parents…your kids are listening…and they love nothing more than to rat you out!

From Bad to Good

May 17, 2011 ranks as one of the worst working days of this year and one of the best mommy days of this year.  Go figure! 

“Wow!”  You’re thinking.  “It must have been really bad/good for you to remember the exact date.”

Well, yes and no.  I remember the general timeframe because it was Teacher Appreciation Week and my kids were the naughtiest they have been all year and I remember thinking, “Come on, guys, this is Teacher Appreciation Week.  Hello!  You’re supposed to be being nice to me…not totally and completely naughty.”  I mean, even the great kids were giving me a hard time…this was certainly not the way this teacher envisioned being appreciated, that’s for sure!

And I remember the exact date because it was a Tuesday.  “How did you remember that it was a Tuesday?”  Good question.  I remember it was a Tuesday because Tuesday is our library day and I remember going to the library so it must have been Tuesday.  “How did you remember it was library day?”  Another good question.  I remember it was library day, which means it was a Tuesday, because it took us forever to get to the library.

That’s right, my class was being so naughty that it took practically half of our library time just to walk the 20 steps it takes us to get to the library.  “How do you know it takes 20 steps to get to the library?”  Wow, you guys (all three of you) sure have a lot of questions today!  Well, I know it takes 20 steps to get to the library because we’ve counted! 

Remember, it’s First Grade people, which means we have estimated and counted, and counted again, how many steps it takes to get to the library.  Learning opportunities are everywhere in First Grade folks, simply everywhere!

So I’ve had a pretty bad day at work and I’m driving home from this day spent with naughty kids, and what do I see when I turn the corner onto my street?  My son washing the car!  That simple little act simply made my day…in fact, it changed my bad day to a good day in an instant.

But wait…it gets better.  I’m reveling in the joy my son brought me by washing the car without being asked (heck, my husband may have told him to wash the car for all I know, but I didn’t even care…seeing him out there when I pulled up was just what I needed)…so I’m reveling in this little moment of joy and I realize it’s time to go pick up my daughter from the gym.  I’m so happy with my son, that having to run out yet again doesn’t make me one bit grumpy…really, not even one bit!  Honest!

And thank goodness I was the one to pick her up.  She gets in the car and we make our usual small talk, and then out of the blue she says…are you ready for this?  Wait, maybe you better sit down.  No, on second thought stand up, because if you’re sitting down then you’ll totally fall out of your chair when you hear what she says…you ready?

My 14-year old daughter…the one whom I typically annoy just by breathing…said, “I just want to thank you guys (meaning me and her dad) for raising me right.”  If I weren’t driving I would have fallen out of my chair, and then I would have collapsed into a mush of mommy pride.  It would have been ugly, so let’s just say I was more than grateful to have been driving. 

“Aww, honey, that’s sweet, what makes you say that?” I ask.

“Well,” she says (and if you knew her, then you would know that what she says next is so totally her that it makes the moment even sweeter), but anyway, she says, “Well, I look around at the kids at school and I’m not a bad kid or a kid who does drugs or anything like that, and, well, I’m not like a nerd or anything like that either.  I’m just a nice, normal kid and I wanted to let you guys know I appreciate how you are raising me.”

Though I tried to play it cool (in the hopes of garnering future moments like this, let’s be honest), I must admit I got a little teary-eyed and confessed to her how touched I was that she would acknowledge how hard her dad and I really do try to do right by her and her brother.  I left it at that because, remember, my breathing annoys her, and I knew if I went on and on then this would, indeed, be the last time she ever said anything nice to me again…ever! 

Short and Sweet

Okay, I'm freaking out because the end of the school year is rapidly approaching and I really don't have time to post anything meaningful.  Oh, yeah, and did I mention that my mom is now calling practically every five minutes because she is worried about my husband?  That's right...she's not worried about me, she's worried about him.  Whatever.  It's just as well I guess, as I really don't have time for it right now...but I do have time to post this funny little kid ditty.

Our school decided to have a dance a couple of Friday's ago and they (the Student Council) billed it as a Sock Hop.  Well, on the following Monday, one of my little guys wrote this in his journal:

On Friday there was a sock hop but I didn’t go because I thought it was the thing where you get in a bag and you hop.  So then my mom told me what it was and I said, “Oh, I thought it was something else.”  And then I wanted tickets but they were sold out.  And my mom said, “You had a chance to go but now you can’t.”  I was sad I couldn’t go.

Too funny!  Well, a little bit sad, too, because he didn't get to go, but let's face it, it's mostly funny.  Oh, yeah, and are you impressed with his use of dialogue?  Well, if you're not, you should be!

Sit a What?

I know it sounds dumb, but the thing about working with little kids is that sometimes you have to remind yourself that they are, well, kids…little kids…little six-year old kids…who don’t have the same experiences that us old folks have and who aren’t familiar with many of the terms and expressions we old folks throw at them on a daily basis.  Just the other day something happened that reminded me of this little factoid.

While on yard duty…can I just stop and say that I heart with a big fat red line through it yard duty…anyway, I’m on yard duty and I hear a kid crying pretty loudly so I rush over to see what’s going on.  He’s not one I usually see having any troubles so I rush over extra quick like. 

Doubled over, he can’t really talk so his friend explains that he (the friend) had taken off his shoe (his own shoe) so that he could throw it to his friend (the one now doubled over) and apparently he threw it (his shoe) too hard.  Hello?!  Since when do we take off our shoes and throw them at people…especially at our friends? 

Anyway, the shoe-throwing friend had that remorseful look in his eyes that you hope kids have when they realize they have hurt someone, so I didn’t come down too hard on him.  Hallelujah, Amen, some kids still have empathy! 

So the kid is crying and I ask if he needs to go to the nurse.  He says, “No.” 

So I say, “Would you like to go to the bathroom and put some cold water on your face?”  (This, by the way, is usually a one-size-fits-all cure all.)

Not this time though because, again, he says, “No.” 

And I say, “Well, is there anything I can do for you?  Do you need help with anything?” 

Once again he says, “No.” 

He’s still pretty upset so I ask, “Would you just like to stay here and sit a spell then?” 

He looks at me like HUH?  And I can tell by the look on his face that he’s thinking, “I’m crying my eyes out here lady and you want me to spell something?!  What the heck?!” 

I turn on my heel and leave.  Clearly, he’d have been much better off without my “help.” 

Email Gone Wrong

A while back I saw Cybill Shepherd on The Oprah Winfrey Show…wait, did you hear that sound?  That was my husband clicking the heck out of here…Cybill and Oprah in one sentence…he’s gone. 

Anyway, as I was saying, Cybill was on Oprah’s show, and in her very Cybill way she was talking about how much better sex was when a woman was in her 40’s.  Without going into too much detail…after all, I do like to keep things PG around here…let’s just say that I totally agree with her.  (This really has nothing to do with anything, but it’s kind of, sort of, well…minimally, really, related to this post.  Oh, well.)

So anyway…I’m at work the other day and we’re working on the –or family.  As in for, corn, store, morning, etc.  To amuse myself (and because, you know, I’m in my 40’s now and I’m finding myself feeling more “frisky” than usual lately), I started thinking of words like horny and fornication (I know, I know, TMI). 

Then I thought, “Wouldn’t it be funny to send my husband a naughty email?”  So at lunch time I did just that.  In the subject line I wrote “word families” and in the email I wrote,

“-or:  I am horny for my gorgeous husband.”

I anxiously awaited a funny response from him…I waited and waited and waited…no response.  (I know I sent it to the right address because I triple checked!)  Oh, well, I didn’t worry too much about it because my “smart” phone isn’t always all that smart, so I just figured the email didn’t go through.  No biggie. 

At home later that day, I said,

“Hey, I sent you a naughty email but it must not have gone through.” 

And he said, “Oh, is that what that was?  I didn’t know what to make of it.  I thought you were playing Words with Friends with Amy or Tammy or something like that.”

And that, my dear friends, pretty much sums up my life lately.  I try to make a move on my man and he thinks I’m playing a word game with a friend!  Oye!

In all fairness to him, though, he doesn’t have a clue about word families so why would I even think that he would have any idea about what I was even talking about?  It was a lame idea and it was an even lamer email!  I mean, it would be like him, Mr. Geologist, emailing me something like, “I have a couple of metamorphic rocks that need to be polished!”  Would I even know what something like that meant?  You bet I would!

That’s bad, I know…I’ll  pick myself up out of the gutter now and be done with this post!

Ahhh, Technology…There's Nothin’ Quite Like it to make a Gal Feel Old

During Reading Group the other day we were reading a book about a girl who was taking pictures of her science project and the next day she discovered the film in her camera was missing.  There were puzzled looks all around the table and two students said, simultaneously, “What’s film?” 

Ahh…how to explain film to 6-year olds who have, in all likelihood, never, in their whole entire lives, seen an “old fashioned” camera? 

I did my best:  “Well, kids, back in the olden days, you know, before there were digital cameras, there were these cameras and you had to put this stuff called film in them, and then, when the film was all used up, you had to take the film out and then you had to take it to the store and then you had to wait, like a week, to get you pictures back.”  (More puzzled faces.)  “That’s right kids, back in the olden days, you couldn’t just go to your computer and upload your pictures and then print them out right then and there on your very own home computer.  Nope, you had to take this stuff called film in and wait, and wait, and wait.”  (Eyes are totally glazed over by now.)  “Okay kids, enough about life back in the dark ages, how about we get back to the book and see what happens next?!”

That little ditty about the film reminded me of my first year teaching (11 years ago).  On the first day of school I was taking pictures of everyone (with my trusty old-fashioned camera) and I thought it was hilarious how the kids all tried to crowd around the back of my camera to see the pictures.  They were crestfallen when I had to tell them, “Um, kids, this isn’t a digital camera.  You can’t see the pictures right away.”  I might as well have told them there was no Santa Claus.  (Not that there’s not a Santa, mind you, ‘cuz there totally is, but, you know what I mean, right?)

And that little ditty lead me to remember the first time, three years ago, that I passed out calculators to my students.  I had to bite my tongue not to totally laugh out loud at the fact that, without exception, every single student held the calculator just like a cell phone and used their thumbs to punch the keys! 

One final trip down the road of modern technology:  About three years ago I finally decided to join the modern age and I bought a flat-screen TV AND a Blue Ray DVD player…fancy, I know!  Only here’s the deal…I had no clue how to operate the DVD player.  No joke!  And neither did my husband.  So how did we solve this little dilemma?  Simple, we have teenagers in the house, and I probably shouldn’t admit this, but my son labeled the DVD remote for us…with a silver sharpie!  Do you think telling the kids they can’t leave home because their father and I can’t operate any of the technology is a valid excuse to keep them around?  Nah, probably not. 

I only wonder what my current First Graders will be lamenting over when they get to be my age.  It’s hard to imagine technology getting any more sophisticated, but we all know it will, that’s for sure!